Dreamer.

I used to think something was wrong with me. That I needed to grow up or grow out of whatever high school phase I felt like I was in, but I realized that wasn’t true at all.

For me the idea of “settling down” sounds suffocating. Just the word ‘settling’ is uncomfortable, it makes my chest tight, forces the air from my lungs and leaves me gasping.

It’s not that I don’t want a marriage or a family, I do, I often find myself daydreaming of that season of life. It’s the idea of a regular 9-5 job that cripples me. Coming home having dinner, putting the kids to bed, watching some TV, going to bed, waking up and doing it all over again, life on a continuous loop. Over and over, week after week, month after month, year after year, until the kids are moved out and you’re retired. That type of life, where aspirations are only as high as driving a nice car, owning a nice home, and going on one vacation a year, sounds like my own personal purgatory.

For a long time I thought until that life sounded appealing I was immature and I wasn’t ready for “real life” I thought I needed to except my fate and face it head on to be an adult. I thought this was something I would grow out of. I thought that because I wasn’t, I was a failure, that I was stuck and needed to grow up.

But guess what……

 

I WAS WRONG

and I am so glad that I was wrong. I don’t think that lifestyle will ever sound appealing to me! I wish it did, it would make life a lot easier for me. There is nothing wrong with a perfect picket fence lifestyle, I truly envy the people that enjoy it, but it is not for me.

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I am a dreamer.

I am a crazy, head in the clouds, at times unrealistic dreamer.

Rigidness and strict schedules are claustrophobic to me. To truly flourish, I need flexibility and room to create. I crave spontaneity, excitement and newness. Too much consistency makes me feel stagnant and itchy for change.

It took a  l o n g  time for me to accept myself, to learn that this isn’t a phase, it doesn’t mean I need to “grow up” this is my authentic self. I have two options, I can either try and force myself to live a certain way or I can embrace who I truly am and find my special place in the world where I can shine the brightest and give the world what I was designed to give it. News flash, I tried the first option and it didn’t work. So here I am trying option two. All this acceptance and self discovery is still new to me so I’m still working on figuring out where my special place is, but I am so excited to find it and let my little light shine like never before.

To all my fellow dreamers, white picket fencers, and everyone in between,  don’t force yourself to be something that you’re not. Follow your heart and be authentically you. I was forcing the wrong ideals for so long and nothing was falling into place because it wasn’t right for me. Once you start being true to who you are magic starts happening.

The universe cannot deny authenticity.

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Thanks for reading, now go make some magic happen!

-Jess♥

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